Something i find useful lately is ‘friendzone,’ which is what i affectionately call my process of letting someone know that i’m not interested in them. Most of the time, it’s because a Dom has come on too strong and too Dominant when They first message me. The thing is– i’m looking for someone i can spend my life with, and i’m not looking for someone who is only a Dom. i want someone who can be a Dom, a friend, a confidant, and a father. Someone who can fulfill some of my BDSM desires (the more the better) and all of my vanilla desires. Frankly, i don’t see myself with someone who doesn’t cover both parts of me, my BDSM and vanilla side.

As in my last post, i actually had seen some of those red flags in a couple of the Doms i’ve encountered (luckily i had already friendzone’d them, so i wasn’t concerned). This made me realize that those type of people are a lot more common than it seems. That’s a little concerning to me, especially considering how many new subs there are out there– if You’re one of them, please be super careful (just like one of the nice Doms i speak to keeps saying to me). There was even one person who came across as a nice, normal guy. Then– Bam !! He whipped out a crazy fantasy that raised 5 or 6 red flags.

Thankfully, due to the friendzone, we’re on the same page now– just friends. He’s a nice friend, if a little sexually pushy, but if i keep my wits about me i can fend off that sort of pushiness. It’s just getting easier to friendzone people now. As i said yesterday, once every two days at LEAST i get another interested Dom, and so far they haven’t met my standards. The Dom i’m so very interested in was talking to me yesterday when i realized that the only reason He wasn’t friendzone’d immediately was because he used the word ‘jive’ in his initial message, and He took the time to write a thoughtful message.

Some of the things that make me friendzone a prospective Dom:

-Chat speak: There is nothing that annoys me more than chat speak. There’s really no place for it in the real world, and i’m looking for a relationship that will one day reach the real world. Sorry.

-Instant Domination: ‘I demand that you kneel at My feet and suck my cock.’ Oh, really now ? The only thing that turns me off more than this is this in chat speak. ‘i dmnd tht u neel at my feet n sck my dck.’ i sure hope you’re laughing, too !! i’ve gotten both. My advice: quit that. Be a person.

-Instant Sexual Questions: i don’t know why this bugs me, usually i’m very open about anything sexual. i guess it’s because They don’t know this, and just think that because they ask me, i’m going to go into excruciating detail. Sorry. Not gonna happen. i will absolutely tell you something if it relates to a conversation ! If it IS the conversation, i’m afraid i have other things to do.

-Pushyness: It’s hard enough being a new submissive to the lifestyle AND being 18. Please stop pushing me to commit to You. It just turns me off to You. No real Dom would push a submissive into a relationship when she isn’t sure about Him. It’s dangerous and dumb. Patience is a virtue.

-Instant Familiarity: This is something that probably has to do with the sexual questions too. If You don’t know me, please don’t call me babe. i cannot say this too many time. Do. Not. Call. me. Pet names. Save that for the sub that You’re sure is interested in You.

i think those are the big instant friendzone red flags. Here’s how to avoid the instant friendzone (for me, anyhow, not sure if any other subs do this).

-Be Personable: Type like You speak. That’s the best advice i could give You. Yes, be confident, but not cocky. Be someone a sub would want to know more about, without playing all mysterious. That’s just silly.

-Be Patient: If a sub isn’t ready to submit to You, give him/her time. You don’t want a relationship without trust, and it’s a good thing they’re waiting until they’re ready.

-Be Open: If You’re asked a question, within reason, answer. i have asked Doms questions before, only to be told that i couldn’t know this. That’s pretty much an instant friendzone for me. If You can’t be open with me when i’m considering You for a position of power over me, then i’m not sure when. i sure as hell am not going into a relationship with someone who won’t answer a question.

That’s all i can say about my process of going through Doms. It’s not that complex, for me it’s just common sense. i hope that helps subs who need a process of their own, instead of chasing down every Dom to try to get to know Him/Her. : ) Sorry for the rant !!



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