The End of Summer


i made a list a while back of what i want to do over the summer. Some of it i did. Some of it i have made plans to do. Some of it i didn’t do for different reasons. i am pretty proud of myself anyhow though. The biggest achievement for me was learning how to cook, and while i’m not amazing at cooking yet, i am pretty competent, and that can get me through most things. When i cook, it’s often a dish with lots of veggies, so i have starting going back to the local produce store, which is great, and MUCH healthier than what we have been eating. On top of that, i have been wearing more skirts. i have some very nice flowy skirts that barely get to see the light of day, and there really was no reason for that. i also stopped being trolled, which i was almost there with before. This was the goal i put in the list that i was certain wouldn’t take much work to achieve. It’s my way of making sure i can’t fail entirely and also it helps me keep motivated to know i got to cross something off of my list. i also have been getting out pretty regularly lately, thanks to my sister getting ready to go to Notre Dame this weekend.

i did not, however, get to do a lot on my list. i couldn’t go to NH due to lack of money, and i didn’t have any money because i couldn’t get a job (crossing my fingers for a job at a buffet… The manager was very nice), and i didn’t really try out the bus due to lack of funds as well. i also didn’t get to go to NY for a sundress…. i’m hoping i can afford one during the school year. Maybe next spring i’ll bug my roommate to go to Atlantic City with me and i’ll dress shop, but she’s not a dress kinda girl herself, so i’m not sure how much fun she would have. i also didn’t watch any big movies. This just didn’t happen. It should have, but didn’t. i don’t really have the connection to download any movies tonight, but i’m hoping when i get back to school my roommate will bring some and we’ll watch them on her nifty flat screen tv.

On my list of things that i feel i can accomplish before school starts is learning how to do my hair and makeup in ways that are simple and pretty. i don’t have a need for something elaborate or crazy, just a little knowledge to help me if and when i need to use it. Over this weekend i am also getting rid of what i won’t use in my dorm. This means going through the boxes and not taking what i won’t need. There’s a lot of that sort of stuff in those boxes : ( Those things are going to go into a garage sale that will hopefully be going on sometime mid-September.

i’m still working out financial aid. It’s still not worked out. Hence why i’m freaking out and not blogging or doing anything other than laying, paralyzed by stress, in my nice warm bed. There’s only so much good that can do. Getting out lately has been nice, but i found myself coming home and going back to bed, curling up and either surfing the web (doing nothing productive, really) or sleeping. i am looking forward to when this is over and done with, so i can worry about less important things. : P

-s.

PS

i thought about it, and the part of the blog where i link to news… It’s stuff you guys know, or probably don’t really care about. Unless you’d really like me to start doing it again, i’m just gonna stop putting it at the end of my posts : P

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What a Girl Wants…. What a Girl Needs….


i haven’t been doing much that is productive for the past week. i’m honestly stressed out about paying for college (the state grant keeps not being posted on the school website, and i’m worried that they are going to make me call again and again until it’s too late to get the money) and haven’t been thinking about much. Last night, at 10PM, i went with my mom and my little sister to see Toy Story 3. Getting out was nice, and i feel a lot less stressed (though i have to call them again tomorrow because it’s getting a bit ridiculous), so i figured i’d write while i had something to say.

i was thinking about relationships recently, for some odd reason, and i remembered what a good friend once told me. He liked to compare true love to a candle flame. May not be huge, but steady light. i like to think of Dominance that way. i think i would have a hard time taking a Dominant seriously who is caught up in the mindset ‘I am Dominant, hear Me roar!!!’ This sounds bad to those who met me when i first learned about D/s, because i was the same way about being submissive. i still am, sometimes. At least i recognize it and tone it down now, though. i guess the type of Dominance i would like to see in my Dominant would be the type of Dominance that doesn’t have to be spoken. Whether or not He is tying me down or beating me up, i would like to feel like i am His. i guess for me that sounds like a stability that is slightly more defined in a D/s relationship than in a vanilla one.

Oh, and speaking of something that is a difference between a D/s relationship and a vanilla one: i read this thread on fetlife about someone whose husband is naturally Dominant, but she was asking whether or not to introduce him to fetlife or the lifestyle formally, even though he seemed to lean that way naturally. When i read it i was very confused. If one is getting what they need out of a relationship, why would they change things? i’m lucky because i feel like i need very little from my significant other. i’m very very low maintenance. i could never imagine having kink in the bedroom and thinking ‘gee, i wish he would identify himself as my Dominant…’ If i’m not fulfilled, i would absolutely understand talking to him about BDSM, but if i am getting what i need, then what’s the point?

i have also been thinking about how in a relationship, we have needs and wants. In certain D/s dynamics, it’s the job of the Dom to take care of the sub’s needs and not the Dom’s job to take care of the sub’s wants. i was thinking again about what i need in a relationship and if i considered it to be fair… And of course i do, but i wonder what it is other subs need from their Doms. i guess that’s just out of curiosity, though.

Tonight, i am cooking soup again, but this time adding chicken : ) i really liked it last time, and this time it’s going to be even better!!! i’m super excited. Off to the store now… Wish me luck!! : )

-s.

Trying Something New


Lately i’ve been trying to keep myself busy. This does mean less blogging, but it also means trying new things! : ) So, today, i’m making a meatloaf recipe i came across online as ‘easy’ and ‘healthy.’ Hopefully it’s both, because i’m really not a very good cook. i was trying to make a 3 minute brownie in the microwave and not only did the brownie not have enough cocoa in it, the cup i was ‘cooking’ it in melted. Bummer!! If i get it right, i’ll be super happy, though! : ) i’m hoping it’s like DDR. i simply cannot play DDR on light mode, i have to play it on heavy mode or i suck majorly at it. Video games are not real life, and i know that, but i’m hoping that i’m really great at ‘heavy mode’ cooking, even though i suck at ‘light mode.’

i’m in a very good mood today. i feel like anything i want is at my fingertips and i can do anything. If you’ve felt that before, you probably understand how good it feels. i played around with my makeup today, as well, seeing what my huge makeup box had in it. i still can’t quite identify what certain things are for. i kept going to my mom asking ‘do you know what this is?’ and she’d laugh and tell me. The biggest confusion was between blush and eyeshadow, but there were really thick pencils that i just didn’t know… She said they go around your eyes? i’ll be trying it tomorrow. i don’t know what i’m going to do with the ones that i don’t like or can’t figure out how to use, but i’ll cross that bridge when i come to it. Hey! my sister doesn’t have makeup! Maybe i’ll send it with her to school! : P That is, if she isn’t taking a bus out there… my sister is going to a really good school, which is great, but that means it’s far away from here. Not sure how that’s going to work for her, since i have needed help from my mom from time to time. Laundry next semester is going to be interesting, since i won’t be spending much time at my mom’s house, and i certainly won’t be able to use her washer once she moves far away from my school. This year coming up should be very interesting : P

On a BDSM note: i was looking at a fetlife group called Ponderings (if you’re on fet, join it, it’s a really great group) and there was a topic made by ‘the mayor’ of the group about whether or not friends in the lifestyle are closer to us than vanilla friends. i thought that was a really interesting topic but couldn’t really talk about it since i don’t hang out with lifestylers in real time, but i’m very curious about it. i don’t feel like my friendships would be much different. With me, you pretty much get what you ask for. If someone asks me about something i’m very honest about it. i don’t find myself around people who are closed-minded so it has never been a problem for me. i’m not going to be running into a lifestyle friendship talking about ‘oh, you should see these bruises on my ass!!!’ (ignoring the fact that the Dom that is considering me is far away and can’t leave those bruises on me right now) However, something like ‘i got a cute little flogger!! Look!!’ would probably be said to both vanilla and lifestyle friends. i’m wondering how Y/you feel about it, though, since it’s such an interesting topic. : ) Hoping to get some interesting replies!

In The News

The Etch-a-Sketch turned 50 years old yesterday. : )

And a mother who gave her son up for adoption didn’t get her yearly picture of him so she looked him up on facebook and ended up having sex with him.

A drunk man decides to take a crocodile for a ride and survives.

Tea Partiers decide that Obama is Hitler and put up a billboard with his picture next to Hitler’s and Lenin’s. Well, that’s great and all, but anyone with a brain is going to say ‘what in the world…’ Even i’m confused, and i’m not big on politics, but this is pretty extreme.

And today, 1,300 people in Utah have been fingered as illegal immigrants by a large group of people, who had phone numbers, social security numbers, even the due dates of the pregnant women. While i can understand why citizens would be upset about illegal immigrants, this sort of vigilante behavior is scary to me, especially when the people who sent this letter in to the newspapers have been watching the people on the list in their day to day life.

-s.

List of Things to Do Before Summer Ends


i was thinking about things that i want to do before summer ends, as a way of moving forward with my life. So, i made a list, and i’m going to share it with Y/you all, because i want to : P

1 ) Get a job

2 ) Travel to NH for a weekend (at least!)

3 ) Make a mini NY shopping trip for a sun dress : )

4 ) Wear more skirts

5 ) Get better at applying makeup

6 ) Learn to cook (this is really general, i’m just shooting for the moon and hoping that i’ll be proud of myself by the end of summer)

7 ) Get out more (swimming, hanging with friends, walking, taking pictures. i don’t have any excuses, there are friends of mine in town.)

8 ) Get to a munch. At least one.

9 ) Learn the bus schedule and take the bus somewhere. Anywhere. Without worrying that i’ll miss my stop. Then take the bus back.

10 ) Watch a few big movies… Star Wars… The Matrix… Fight Club…. Any suggestions?

11 ) Learn an easy way to do my hair that looks good.

12 ) Eat healthier. (i don’t intend to cut every carb out of my diet, but thinking more vegetables and less artificial stuff. That goes hand-in-hand with cooking)

13 ) Stop being trolled. (to be trolled is to be riled up by someone on the internet. At least, that’s my definition of it, but others have slightly different definitions.)

14 ) Get organized for school. (figure out what i need and throw out or give away what i don’t so that i have very little to bring to my dorm room. i learned last semester i don’t need much.)

That’s the list right now. It’ll change, i know it will, but it’ll probably get longer rather than shorter. i’m thinking about making a page for it that’ll update, but i don’t know yet if i will. : P Today i made a shopping list, and tomorrow i’m going shopping for food for the week, but i’m not done yet! Thinking up more things to cook and getting together another trip to my college town to apply to more places tonight. i also promised a friend i’d write out a short guide to a dungeon in an MMO we play together, and i have to log in in roughly 20 minutes to gather with the other 199 people who i play with, though it’ll likely only be 120 tonight, as some of the Europeans aren’t keen on waking so early. In fact, while it’s almost 10PM here, i will log into a voice chat program and wish probably 100 people ‘good morning!!’ : ) Off to find another recipe to write down before i have to log in and meet up with my friends!

In The News

A supposedly 130-year-old woman celebrates her birthday, but can’t produce anything showing when she was born, so she can’t have the title as world’s oldest person. Am i the only one thinking ‘god, i wonder what she thinks about today’s world, in comparison with the early 1900s?’ (http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/experts-cast-doubt-on-130-year-old-antisa-khvichavas-age/19549104)

The federal government started doing ‘silent raids’ fining companies who employ illegal immigrants and telling them to fire the immigrants, which i think is a good move. As the article says ‘no drama, no trauma, no families being torn apart’ (http://www.aolnews.com/nation/article/silent-raids-lead-to-firing-of-illegal-immigrants-across-us/19549131)

Also, businesses using Cleveland fan’s fury against Lebron James to make a buck (http://www.aolnews.com/sports/article/cleveland-businesses-turn-lebron-james-fury-into-cash/19549261)

-s.

Sleepy!!


i’ve been really sleepy lately, you know why? Dehydration. And no matter how much i drink, i just end up feeling sick and it doesn’t go away. Annoying.

This reminded me about a thread i read before on fetlife about ways that submissives give service to their Doms. Things like ‘taking care of your body by eating right and exercising.’ It seemed interesting that those things were included on people’s lists, especially when i often find myself doing something dumb because i wasn’t thinking about myself, usually my focus is on something else. It might be a good idea for me to sit down and write out all the things i could do to give service to my Dom, especially since it’s likely we’ll be far away from one another. i thought that that realization might be useful to anyone reading this, but maybe it isn’t : P

As for anything else i’ve been thinking about: last night i was talking to Sambuddy about someone else i talk to and how they don’t ‘move forward’ in life. i remembered Sambuddy saying once before something about seeing in others what one most dislikes about themselves. So i was thinking about how i’m moving forward. Really, right now, i’m applying to places to work. However, other than that, i pretty much lurk fetlife, facebook, wander the house, and exercise when i remember about it. i’m going to keep thinking about the idea of ‘moving forward’ and make a list of things i want to get done by the end of this summer. i can cross off ‘get a toy reviewer position’ but now i have to add ‘ask the mailman at my school what box is mine again!’ Oh well, it’s not like i won’t be in that area in the near future anyhow, since i’m applying to work at places near there… As far as the connection here to D/s, i see it as part of a relationship… Growing and moving forward together. If one person isn’t doing their part, then the relationship probably won’t go anywhere. Why would anyone be interested in someone who doesn’t change (hopefully for the better)?

i just wanted to share those thoughts with the people who read my blog because i felt that they could be applied to BDSM and D/s relationships easily and if i overlooked them, i bet i’m not the only one who did : )

In the News

Scientists find out what gene in a mouse causes homosexuality. Yes, it’s a genetic difference. Why is this study being done, again? i feel like they’re pulling for a ‘cure’ by reading it. (http://www.aolnews.com/surge-desk/article/sexual-preference-gene-turns-female-mice-off-male-advances/19548112)

Then this retirement investment advisor got hundreds of retired federal agents involved in a ponzi scheme… (http://www.aolnews.com/crime/article/hundreds-of-fbi-dea-and-ice-agents-fall-victim-to-ponzi-scheme/19547371)

And there are mountain unicyclists who just want respect : ( (http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/mountain-unicyclists-ask-wheres-the-respect/19535082)

The same-sex marriage ban was lifted by the supreme court as well!! : ) (http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/07/08/federal-same-sex-marriage-ban-unconstitutional-judge-rules/)

And this article about a woman who died while masturbating that has a rather rude name, considering she died. (http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/for-nichola-paginton-coming-then-going-one-womans-death-by-pornography/19547942)

More news about the possible HIV vaccine… i’m really excited about it : ) (http://www.aolnews.com/surge-desk/article/hiv-antibodies-experts-foresee-vaccines-treatment-and-a-long-wait/19547957)

-s.

Post-Vacation


Now i’m all cuddled up in my bed thinking about my vacation… Took a day off yesterday to relax and re cooperate from running around all the time : )

i was staying at my aunt’s shore house in NY, and the beach wasn’t far. i got to swim in the ocean…. Which i actually enjoyed for once, even though i was worried about sharks…. i’m always worried about something…. For the record: rocks are not sharks. i learned that lesson during vacation.

Not a Shark

So then we put together a puzzle…. And the last three pieces didn’t fit into any of the last 3 slots. It was a huge puzzle and my sister and i couldn’t help but laugh when it didn’t go together right. i left the room, and when i returned my sister had fixed the problem, but it was a pretty funny moment. Even funnier than my aunt’s expression when she saw my bathing suit top! i even wore my most conservative bathing suit…. : P If only she saw my new bathing suit. She would be very disappointed, but i love it! : )

i didn’t get to think much about BDSM topics on vacation, but i did get to think about working on how easily riled up i am lately. i think as a submissive and as a person, learning how not to be provoked is likely to be quite helpful to me. : P So i’m thinking about that lately, and so far i’ve been able to ignore the insane amount of drama in my house that has been swirling around me for a little under a month.

Oh, and also, i got that toy from eden and will be able to put up the review tomorrow, though i’m not sure what time tomorrow. i’m really excited to try it out since i heard good things on kitty’s blog about it. Right now it’s chillin’ in my toy drawer with my new clothespins and the rest of my toys. : )

Ok, i promise to think of something far more interesting to talk about tomorrow, but for now, i’ll just leave some news articles : P

In the News

An amateur boxer sells spots on his body where an advertiser can put a tattoo on him. This is a very interesting idea, and i heard about a girl who sold her forehead for a casino website tattoo, but i think that he’s going to wish he hadn’t done that later on down the line. After all, the article mentions that a ‘slew’ of adult sites are on his body right now. When he has kids, how is he gonna explain that one? : P (http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/boxer-billy-gibby-turns-himself-into-human-billboard-with-permanent-tattoo-advertisements/19542973)

Meanwhile, California is seriously considering legalizing marijuana. i am actually a supporter of this movement for various reasons, and i’m super excited to see how this goes : )  (http://www.aolnews.com/surge-desk/article/proposition-19-key-facts-on-californias-marijauana-legalization-vote/19545527)

Lastly, it looks like a vaccine for HIV is closer than i thought it was. Scientists found out which cells in a man’s body were fighting his HIV and are hoping to make a vaccine that trains the body to create these cells. (http://www.aolnews.com/health/article/discovery-helps-us-researchers-close-in-on-hiv-vaccine/19547029)

-s.

Vacation


i have been so anti-social lately that i didn’t even realize my family was planning a vacation. We leave tomorrow, so that means that for 5 days, chances of the blog post are very slim. i may have access to internet, but it won’t be a constant access, so i can check the blog, but won’t have time to write anything meaningful or even terribly interesting.

i’m going to go visit my aunt at her beach house. This is not a vacation i’m terribly excited about because i know how my aunt is… She’s nutty. On top of that, i’m going to have to go to the beach, and i hate the beach. More accurately, i hate the sand, but they’re a package deal. So i’m going to be forced to eat portion sizes of everything i like (just so you know, on the chicken nuggets pack, portion size is 4 nuggets) and more than portion size of everything i don’t like. i’m not even kidding, either, because it just ends up that way. After all, she never had kids and doesn’t entertain often, so she cooks what she deems is ‘just enough’ for 4 people. This means that for breakfast, we each literally get one egg and two pieces of bacon, half of a muffin, and as much toast as we want, but we have to keep in mind that she toasts things by putting them in the oven, so it’s not really worth it. Then there’s the forced orange juice and milk every morning as well. Heaven forbid we drink water.

On the plus side, i love her front porch. i love sitting out there and enjoying the smell of the ocean without having to go anywhere near it. i love sitting in the shade and enjoying the warm breeze. i love curling up in one of the padded wooden chairs and reading a book. i’m bringing the complete hitchhiker’s guide with me, so i don’t get too bored. And my phone charger, because i feel like texting is going to be the only thing that keeps me sane. i love my aunt, but by the end of 5 days, i am going to be at the end of my rope with her, and probably my whole family.

Oh, and i have to re-download itunes and update my ipod. That, in itself, is going to take a long time. On the plus side, there’s not much to add, but on the downside, i actually need to take the music off of my ipod, then put it into itunes so that it doesn’t get erased…. i put all my music onto my external, which stopped working, and i have yet to be able to get the company to replace it, which is quite obnoxious.

So, today, i am very busy, and as a result, this long non-BDSM rant of sorts. Sorry!!! If i can get a blog post in while i’m away, i most certainly will, and until then, see you later!!

-s.

In the News

A man in Germany was on the train, when his phone went off. Why, oh why, was his ringtone one of Hitler’s speeches? Literally due to his ringtone, he got arrested and could be jailed 3 years. Normally, i would oppose this but… Go Germany! : )  (http://www.aolnews.com/world/article/german-could-be-jailed-for-adolf-hitler-ring-tone/19538619)

Also, France passes a law that makes psychological violence illegal! Woo! i love that they didn’t just include words spoken, but text messages as well, and probably emails. (http://www.aolnews.com/world/article/new-french-law-forbids-psychological-violence/19538635)

Then there’s this article, which makes me despise the idea of going to the doctor for anything. Anything at all. Same with hospitals, but i already despise going to the hospital. (http://www.aolnews.com/nation/article/st-louis-john-cochran-va-medical-center-may-have-exposed-1800-veterans-to-hiv/19538333)

And then back to America, where a Colorado woman crashed her car in an attempt to escape a vampire. i wish i was kidding. (http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/colorado-woman-claims-she-crashed-car-while-fleeing-vampire/19537527)

Oh, and something that might interest pretty much anyone in a relationship with a woman: turns out most loud women aren’t trying to show you that they’re enjoying themselves, but trying to speed up sex. This definitely isn’t me, but i can see how it would work. (http://www.aolnews.com/surge-desk/article/poll-womens-carnal-noises-mostly-fake/19537225)

Here’s something that i feel like i’ve read before. i could have sworn i read this before… Cleopatra apparently did not die from a snake bite, but in fact from poison. Didn’t i read this before? (http://www.aolnews.com/science/article/did-deadly-drugs-not-a-snake-kill-cleopatra/19537109)

BDSM vs. Vanilla


i posted a topic about this on fetlife, but i felt like while i was thinking about it, it might be a good idea to write down my thoughts on it. Obviously, there’s a stigma around the word ‘vanilla.’ People on fet seem to take that word and use it almost as an insult. my theory is that BDSM isn’t very far from vanilla.

When i first heard about the lifestyle, i was thinking that the relationships would be amazing and perfect and so different from vanilla. While some of the relationships are amazing and perfect, most aren’t. That’s the first similarity i saw to vanilla relationships: we’re still imperfect. Whether you’re a Dom or a sub, you’re imperfect! And thus, both sides are going to have to apologize from time to time. Taking the blame is something i didn’t see as a Dominant thing to do, when i first learned about BDSM. ‘Dominants are always right!’ i would tell myself. It wasn’t too long ago, but i did learn that as in every relationship, there are going to be mistakes, and the fact that a Dominant can humble themselves and say “you’re right and I’m sorry” makes them a good person, which in turn would make them a better Dominant, at least in my eyes!

As i wrote about before, both vanilla and BDSM relationships have to have communication as a foundation. If not, problems arise. Big problems. There’s no difference in the importance of talking to one another. This also ties into trust, which is a major component of both vanilla and BDSM relationships as well.

Tasks to be done, in both vanilla and BDSM relationships, are handled similar ways. For instance, i have a friend whose mom stays at home and does the stuff around the house, as well as taxing the kids to and from things. As far as i know, she’s vanilla. She’s pretty uptight about sexual things and she freaked out when she found birth control pills in her daughter’s room so i’m thinking she’s not kinky. Some subs stay at home and take care of the house, too. As is very common nowadays, some subs also go out and work alongside their vanilla co-workers. Some Doms chip in and help around the house, and so do some vanilla men. So, as far as jobs in the household and out, it would seem that both relationships are the same.

Rules in vanilla relationships seem to be more unspoken, whereas rules in BDSM relationships seem to be more talked about and recognized. This is a small difference i see. Not really big enough for me to be comfortable saying ‘aha!! This is the difference!!’

On both paths, you have women who submit to men, and men who submit to women. The boy i lost my virginity to basically did what i told him to do. It wasn’t me manipulating him, and it wasn’t an agreed upon ‘you take all the power,’ it just was what it was. my guess is that our case is not the only case of a vanilla relationship having a Dominant and a submissive person. my question here is ‘in a BDSM relationship is one more Dominant, or is it just more discussed?’

The biggest difference i thought of was the sex life. Those involved in BDSM have a very wide variety of kinks which, it is largely assumed, would squick a vanilla person. Vanilla is seen to be missionary style or doggy style, not much variety, very boring if it’s the only thing you do. i don’t know if i agree with that, or where the line is drawn from vanilla to BDSM as far as sex lives. It has to be drawn somewhere, right? There are just so many fetishes that there can’t be a line, really, because what’s on this list of fetishes, how is it ordered, and then dealing with the fact that while a very large percentage of women have rape fantasies, i would imagine that consensual non-consent is something that would be extremely kinky. Odd. i think, even in our sex lives, we aren’t too different.

So what do you think is the difference? Just curious about people’s opinions on the subject : )

-s.

Great Minds….


i was looking under the BDSM tag on wordpress and came across this post a few days ago. It didn’t occur to me to share until just now, so apologies on my lateness : ( i’ll post the link, i think this is an excellent post and she says everything in a way that makes it very easy to understand. i do like her blog as well, but this post in particular not only pertains to BDSM, but to the way we think of the lifestyle : )

http://thepaganandthepen.wordpress.com/2010/06/23/think-taboo-will-the-real-lifestyler-please-stand-up/

-s.

Living the Dream


So, yesterday, i was hanging around on fetlife. Due to the big gap in me and Sambuddy’s age, i joined a group called ‘Age Gap 20+’ which i thought would be a good group to be a part of, since there are obviously going to be different challenges associated with a relationship with such a large age gap. Very rarely are there new posts there, though. Yesterday a new post was made, and it got me seriously miffed. Usually i make a point of not getting annoyed over posts people make, and usually that works for me, but i guess i was in a bad mood yesterday and i gave in. i was thinking about what it is that initially made me annoyed with the man who posted it, and i think i came up with a few reasons.

First, it seems like most men have fantasies about ‘getting with’ an 18-year-old. Not all, but i think a good deal of them do. That’s fine. i’m not picking on those people. But what annoys me about some people is that they actively pursue young women based solely on their age. This man stated, and i quote, “Like it or not, that is what turns me on. Women much older do not excite or arouse me, at least not immediately.” i’m sorry…. What??? From my point of view, if someone contacts me, regardless of age, they are given the exact same amount of consideration as anyone else. This is important to me, because everyone is different and you never know when you’re going to meet the right person. This man stated that he doesn’t get excited or aroused by older women immediately, but does by younger women, and thus, he wants to date younger women. He came at the group with a question though.

His therapist said he was going after something he can’t have, and he should go for women his own age. Everyone can understand why the therapist said this, right? i know i can. i’m not saying i agree, but that i can see where he’s coming from. Now, the man asking the question asks “Should I keep him? Or dump him?” i’m sorry…. What??? You want to dump your therapist because he doesn’t think you should be chasing barely-legal tail??? C’mon now, let’s use our brains.

Of course, i was cordial there, and basically said “consider why you want a large age gap relationship, what you can offer them and what they can offer you, and think hard about what your therapist said. If you still think they’re wrong after lots of thinking, dump him.” and that’s not a direct quote, just a summary. After all, that’s how i feel about it.

Then he becomes a jerk. i’m not going to do a blow-by-blow of the conversation. Although i know it’s wrong to think in terms of win/lose, if i happened to be thinking in terms of win/lose, i pretty much won. : P However, i found that a lot of what he was talking about seemed to be justification of why he wants young women. Not even good reasons, either. Things like “optimism about love, marriage, relationships, etc.” Now, let me get something straight, i am not nearly as optimistic as i seem. And there are people out there, my age, who are less optimistic than me. He was using examples such as that to justify why it’s ok for him to only like young women. After reading that for a while, i realized that it’s very likely that he’s just trying to convince himself that it’s ok, and that it’s likely that he started the thread in order for us to all rally behind him saying “drop the therapist and join our club!!!” And it made me feel good to see that people weren’t falling for it in this group.

my big question is: how do you guys feel about someone like that, who will only date young women? Would this piss you off, too, or am i being overly sensitive?

i got pretty bitchy on the thread, so if anyone checks that out, please realize that 99.99999% of the time, i’m not that bitchy, he just really made me mad. Oh, and sorry for the non-BDSM talk again, but i felt like this might make for good conversation. Don’t be afraid to tell me i’m an idiot, i would like to hear other people’s point of view on the subject. Here’s the link to the thread, so you can form your own opinion, since mine is pretty slanted! : P

http://fetlife.com/groups/4097/group_posts/703260

You probably need a fetlife account to see it, though. : )

-s.

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