Wax play

Ok, first of all, thanks to Kerry for giving me the idea to write about wax play. i knew there was so much left to talk about, but literally didn’t know where to go next. Now i have a few more ideas ; ) Anyhow, on to wax play.

As with any part of BDSM, safety comes first. The big concerns are candles tipping, things catching on fire, or the bottom burning. There’s also the little concern of whatever surface the bottom is on getting wax all over it, and getting the wax off of the bottom : )

First of all, make sure the play is done near a good, flat, stable surface that can hold the candles, wax pots, whatever else. Y/you should also make sure that there’s a tarp down to catch whatever stray bits of wax, since wax is hard to get out of carpet or bedding : P Also, make sure that the candles Y/you have chosen to play with don’t burn too hot. If Y/you need a temperature, one of the articles says 120-125 degrees Fahrenheit and  49-51 Celsius. Another things to have on hand would be a cool washcloth, in case the bottom does burn. Also, one of the articles says that it would be a good idea to cover the bottom in baby oil or mineral oil to help remove the wax. Another good thing to have is a mini fire extinguisher, which would fix any fires that might happen in the room. Keep in mind that if Y/you’re heating the wax beforehand in any device, the temperatures in any part of that device can be pretty different, so make sure Y/you stir it. Lastly, keep in mind the bottom’s or Y/your own allergies to perfumes.

On top of that, there are a few different ways to apply the wax, which basically depend on what tools Y/you want to use. There’s dripping the wax, which would probably be the safest, just don’t go too far away from the skin. If dropped from 1 meter above the bottom, the temperature drops by 5 degrees, but it’s probably going to splatter if Y/you do that, so be careful. Also, one can pour the wax onto the bottom, but be sure not to let it pool anywhere, because the bottom can get badly burned if that happens. The same goes for ladling. Painting and feathering might be the most fun for the Top in the situation. In one of the articles, it talks about the bottom having had some rather beautiful designs on her back, but i couldn’t find pictures like that on google to share : ( Lastly, keep in mind the parts of the body that the Top is putting hot wax on, because depending on the bottom’s pain tolerance, they may not be able to take it on certain parts of the body. The parts thought to be ‘advanced’ areas would be nipples, genitals, and the inner thighs. It’s recommended to start at the shoulders and work Y/your way to the belly.

On top of just wax play, there are several things brought up that can be done with or before or after it. For instance, when wax gets in the hair on the bottom’s body, one article said that she had heard of Tops flogging off the wax. she seemed to think this wasn’t a good idea, though. Other ways suggested to remove wax were with a dull knife or a card. Another idea brought up was ice, along with the wax, which would make a very interesting sensation… If this is Y/your plan, bring a bowl of ice when Y/you start, along with all the other tools.

That’s all i’ve got : ) Time to work on another idea that i got from one of the websites… This should be a really fun idea !!! Check in tomorrow.





Titles are Sticky

A lot of people ask about titles in BDSM (Master/Dom/Top/slave/sub/bottom) when they first start out, and even though this is a sticky subject, i felt like it was asked enough that i should try my hand at writing something about it. Lots of links will be at the bottom of this post.


From what i’m reading, a Master is a lot like what i understood a Dominant to be. Maybe a different kind of Dominant in that they’re commonly associated with slaves. This would mean that generally speaking, Masters take full control of their slaves’ lives.


A Dominant is the person who has control over the scenes in the BDSM relationship, as well as however much control they want over their submissive. This can overlap with Masters, and there aren’t solid definitions of the difference between a Master and a Dominant.


This is the person performing an act on the other person. That means that a submissive could be a Top, if their Dominant or Master wanted them to. i’ve seen similar definitions on fetlife as well. These are sometimes referred to as service Tops, who are only Topping because they were asked to, rather than because they are truly a Dominant.


There are a lot of differences in opinion here, let’s see if i can represent them all. Some people think the difference between submissives and slaves are the degrees of submission. This would mean that a slave is more submissive than a submissive, but this doesn’t mean a Master should ask His slave to do something against their morals. Some people think that it’s just roleplay between the Master and slave. Also, it could even mean that there’s nothing sexual about it at all !! i can’t imagine being in a long term relationship without anything sexual in it. Eek. That would simply not work for me ! Lastly, some people think that slavery is a part of their identity, rather than a relationship status. i happen to believe it’s probably both.


A submissive is a bottom personality who can stay in the submissive state for long periods of time, but a big difference that’s noted is that they have ‘hard limits’ that are off limits for them. This is something like needles for me. i can’t do needles. The Dom who is considering me is aware that if He becomes my Dom, we can’t do needle play. Thank goodness it wasn’t something He expressed interest in. It’s thought of that even though it looks like the power division in a D/s relationship is uneven and the Dom has more power, it’s actually closer to 50/50 division in a D/s relationship, just that it’s a more intense 50/50, if that makes any sense. Apparently a big part of being submissive is sex.


This is the compliment to the Top position. Basically, a bottom can take the position of submissiveness without being a submissive. It’s more or less the person who is in the bottom position at the time.

So that’s just what i could find online, and i did try to keep the sources list short this time, but i also have to add fetlife here as a source, because i added in whatever i knew people thought that i read somewhere on fetlife. Frankly, titles are sticky subjects, and what i wrote today is what i could find, but it’s not by any means the only definitions out there. Also, there are crossovers of every part. Only Y/you can decide which title is right for Y/you ! : ) Good luck !





The Facebook for Kinky People

So basically i’ve been spending a lot of time on fetlife. The groups there teach me a lot, but i don’t like really quoting the threads, because people on there are really private, and let’s face it, so am i. One of the interesting things about fetlife is the fetish lists of the members. Basically, on facebook there’s a ‘like’ button for things one would agree on or what one generally likes. Actually, it used to be a fan button, but they changed it to like. This was kinda funny in and of itself… my roommate turned to me and said “facebook made fan pages like pages” “yeah right…” “Now 3 of my friends ‘like it rough'” “….. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.” Or something like that. Anyhow, so there are like pages on facebook, and the rough equivalent of those on fetlife are fetishes. A good example for geeky people is ‘pan-galactic gargle blasters’ which is a fetish with 30 people into it or curious about it. This is a drink from the Hitch-hiker’s guide to the galaxy that the president of the galaxy created. Supposedly it’s the best drink ever created. Regardless, it’s still a nerdy book tribute that i doubt seriously turns anyone on. There are also serious fetishes that i don’t see too often (maybe i’m not looking in the right places?) that i absolutely added to my list. Stuff that, though it isn’t really an act, it’s still seriously something that turns me on.

a brilliant mind, a creative player and imaginative lover.

Basically, if my lover is extremely smart, He turns me on more than anything else. Even with just conversation. The creativity and imagination turn me on because of course it means that He’s thinking about it ahead-of-time. Honestly, i think about sex A LOT and it turns me on when my lover thinks about it enough to be able to think of something creative or imaginative to try out.

affection and touch from the one i am with

Literally with one touch, i can be calmed down from a sobbing mess. i am absolutely someone who loves being touched, held, kissed… It’s something i crave. A quick fix is good, but when i think about this fetish i’m thinking cuddling in bed, held tightly in His arms, nuzzling my face against His chest.

being called ‘slut’ by someone who i adore

This is hot. And i have no idea why.

gentlemen who are not necessarily gentle men

When i think about this, i’m thinking about a nice night out, maybe at dinner, where He is so sweet and W/we have a great time… Then as soon as W/we get home, He throws me against the wall and kisses me passionately, His hand roughly grabbing my breast, setting the mood for the rest of the night. Yum.

getting turned on by rigorous intellectual debate

It has happened before. Just saying.

her moaning into our kiss as i finger her

It really turns me on to moan into a kiss. i haven’t been able to do it much, due to having boyfriends who did not enjoy kissing, but every time it happened it felt so intimate and sexy. i love it.

thinking of fucking while i’m supposed to be working

It’s fun. What more is there to say ? Except that thinking about sex means that later on i am very very horny : )

seeing how far i can go before i get the look and tone that turns me to jelly

One of these days i’d love to see the Dominant ‘look’ that this talks about. It’s under my ‘i’m curious about’ because i haven’t yet, but oh my god do i want to. So badly.

wrists held by man’s hands

i absolutely love being overpowered, and have only really gotten to play around with that once, maybe twice. Both were on my command. Not that fun, really. It has to be a lot more fun with someone who gets a charge out of overpowering His partner. : )

So those are some of the less common fetishes i find. There are the straight ones like oral sex or talking dirty and those are great, too, but i really love the ones that say just a little more about the person. Just my two cents. : )

Sorry about not writing lately, i just finished my final final yesterday : ) so i hung out and relaxed all day today, and tomorrow i move out ! Hopefully i’ll have the energy tomorrow to post again, but i’m thinking more along the lines of Sunday. Sorry ! : ( If there’s anything Y/you would like me to write about, please comment on this post and i’ll seriously consider it. i won’t say i’ll do it, because i can just see someone saying something silly about ‘research me!’ or something as a joke, and because i promised, i would have to do it. So therefore, i hold veto power ! 😛



http://fetlife.com/fetishes/25942 (Pan-galactic gargle blasters fetish)

http://www.galactic-guide.com/articles/1S1.html (What is a pan-galactic Gargle blaster?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dI1keSSwdcI (Galileo by The Indigo Girls, which is what i listened to the whole time i was writing this)

PS: When one googles ‘Dominant look,’ this is on the first page of images.

What we think you should know

i said we here, but i meant the people on fetlife…. i have no part in this post, really, other than finding a thread i’d like to share in a group called The Comfy Chair. i’ll link at the bottom, but unless Y/you have a fet, Y/you can’t see it. So hence, why i’m compiling the ones that are serious or not repeats here : ) i’ll post screennames, too. This is what members of fet think anyone involved in BDSM should know.

-Aine- responded 29 days ago:

Don’t lose your common fucking sense. Damnit. XD

vield responded 29 days ago:

Only you know what works for you, only you can consent to things you wish to try, only you can define and set or define and release your hard limits, only you can place an accurate label on your forehead, and only you can define what that label (or any other kinky term) means to you!

And always, your mileage may vary!

lifelongcaprice responded 29 days ago:

We’re not actually that different from the ‘nillas.

tesseract responded 29 days ago:

We’re everywhere.

AchillesKW responded 29 days ago:

Authority and responsibility are mutually inclusive. Unfortunately most people don’t really believe this. Understand what is being done to you and how it is to be done safely.

Just because someone runs a good party, is chairperson of a private club or is in some other way perceived as a Community leader does not mean they know what they are doing with that whip. They should be held up to as high a standard as you would any potential play partner. Perhaps even higher.

New meat is popular with a certain kind of person in the Community.

Don’t believe your popularity when you show-up at your first events is anything but horny wolves circling an innocent sheep. You have not found a place where you are going to be far more successful finding partners, friends or lovers than you were in vanilla land.

Your short term success is the result of being a new novelty, a fresh notch on their crops and bragging rights that they were your first.

JohnWarren responded 29 days ago:

Remember that others are people not life-support systems for a whip. A BDSM relationship is a relationship first.

Don’t let your needs and desires blind you to things that would be obvious otherwise

Punishment responded 29 days ago:

Just because you can take it doesn’t mean your partner can/wants to.

Talk to your play partner:)

KnightlyDom responded 29 days ago:

Dominance and respect are NOT mutually exclusive; they’re quite the opposite.

cuddlypuma responded 29 days ago:

Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.

(OK, I didn’t learn that one in a BDSM context. But it’s something that everyone should know, and COULD have applicability to BDSM situations.)

20-20Hindsight responded 29 days ago:

  • There’s always more to learn.
  • Treat people as people first, then as kinksters, potential play partners, or in a given role.
  • Just because someone is a dom/sub/whatever, does not mean they areyour dom/sub/whatever. You don’t have to bow to them, nor are they required to do the same to you.
  • A firm handshake and an intelligent well-spoken demeanor will say far more about you than how many toys you have or how much flogging you can take can.
  • If you don’t like the situation at hand, if you see something that upsets or offends you, if you don’t like to watch the way others are playing- Leave. Nobody is holding you there.
  • Style is no substitute for substance.
  • Don’t take anything too seriously, and have a sense of humor about yourself.
  • You will make mistakes, and you will see others do the same. What matters is what you learn from them and how you carry on from then.
  • Despite some appearances to the contrary, safety (both physical andemotional) are taken very seriously.
  • Listen to your gut, your instinct, the little voice in the back of your mind- if someone doesn’t feel right to you or puts you a little off, there’s often good reason for that.
  • If you aren’t sure about someone in the community, ask around about them. One person might have an axe to grind and bad-bouth them, but the opinions of ten people will give you a more accurate picture.

Daggerdom responded 29 days ago:

Sit with your back to the wall, trust no one and avoid the “community” as much as possible.

FIrst_timer responded 29 days ago:

be honest 😉

Carolyn responded 29 days ago:

Don’t confuse your love of the dynamic with love of the individual.

maruben responded 29 days ago:

Sweet words are not equal to sweet experiences and happyness.

HrolfE responded 29 days ago:

Negotiate peer-to-peer, even if what you are negtiating is a slave contract. A dominant who is insulted by this is a dominant looking to exploit you.

Negotiate inclusively. Make your agreement about the only things that are allowed to happen, and be very specific with new partners. Ambiguity breeds misunderstanding and unwanted new piercings.

SSC is a marketing gimmick. What we do has risks, the best you get is informed acceptance of those risks, so safe isn’t and one man’s sane is another’s insane. If you need a pretty acronym, stick to RACK.

Implied consent isn’t, in the eyes of the law. Sometimes, neither is informed consent.

‘s’ siders are not the only ones at risk when playing with new chums- both sides need safe calls, etc.

20-20Hindsight responded 29 days ago:

HrolfE brings up a good point. Doms/tops need to protect themselves too. There are plenty of predatory subs/bottoms out there looking to take advantage of others. It all goes both ways.

DeceivingInnocent responded 28 days ago:

Trust and Respect in all individuals involved is key.

honeywhite08 responded 28 days ago

Funny stuff happens.

lowercase_lee responded 28 days ago:

Be nice

Bad things happen, even if no one involved is bad, give everyone a break and assume good faith

You can learn so much from people on the other end of the paddle/whip/etc.

Be friends with people even if you don’t want to boink them…but, I just like being friends with people, so maybe doesn’t apply to everyone

If it doesn’t feel good…don’t do it. Some disagree with this but I think it’s a good idea when you’re just starting out. Dominants too. You don’t have to be a mean, stern, whatever. Be nice or be silly, but have fun.

Good luck to you.

Annabel_Joseph responded 28 days ago:

make sure you are enjoying whatever it is you do. 🙂

SilkRopes responded 28 days ago:

Be dubious of other’s intentions. Remember, nothing is free.

outRAGEous responded 28 days ago:

Play safe. If your potential partner doesn’t want to, run like HELL!!!

DesFIP responded 28 days ago:

Know what you want, what works for you and what doesn’t. Because if you don’t know that, how do you expect to find someone compatible?

ownedinyk responded 28 days ago:

its what ever you and yor partner agree it is, not what others tell you it is

luminous_lolita responded 27 days ago:

If you’re a sub, don’t stop being your own person- submissiveness does not nor should it ever equal being a pussy (unless that’s really your thing, then go for it). A real Master will get that. 🙂

MasterMalachi responded 27 days ago:

Take in the information you gather here and elsewhere, take in as much as you can, but don’t by any means let it define you in this context.

You are going to be who you are that doesn’t change just because you are chaining someone to your bed or getting your feet tied to your thighs.

You are who you are and if that means that as a Dom you don’t punish your sub for doing something that upsets you but handle it some other way, or as a sub you are an alpha personality who is desperate to bow to your Master but not to the corporate world, that doesn’t make you less of a Dom or a Sub Period.

There are no clearly defined rules of behavior (apart from the obvious) just guidelines.

kaedyn responded 27 days ago:

my BDSM may not be your BDSM, but that doesn’t mean we are not both right.

No, W/we don’t live in leather and carry whips all the time when doing the vacuuming. lol You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to clean the toilet in some of those outfits!

darthmiho responded 27 days ago

From a very good friend. You will screw up. Hopefully you’ll be in a position where you’ve found friends who will understand that you’re learning. A good group of friends in the scene seems to be the best thing one can have.

Echowhispers responded 26 days ago:

Dont mention to doms or guys you have no interest in being with that you and your mother are subs in the lifestyle..the sam questions and fantasies come up including the same disappointments that its just another guy wanting to fuck.

ownedinyk responded 26 days ago:

dont tie them down with out discussing it first!!!!!

MeaCulpa responded 26 days ago:

Don’t allow romanticism to get carried away with you. Many people love to role play their ultimate slave fantasy online, but that doesn’t mean what they are role playing has any standing in real life. Instead of getting caught up in looking for some white knight to fulfill an impossible role, spend time figuring out what it is in real life, in a scene that is limited and filled with real people, that will give you some of what you need. Predators target women who are in love with a fantasy, because it is easy to convince them they can play the role.

Telemachus responded 26 days ago:

If you think good advice is cheap – try talking to a lawyer.

intowhat64 responded 26 days ago:

Don’t rush into anything, sit back and watch some first, try new things at least once and whatever you do, don’t forget to use your communication skills

tiwohunter responded 26 days ago:

It’s better to be seen than heard at first. I find watching others and how they interact in a group tells me more than they ever would, both about themselves and about how others think of them.

Saffron responded 26 days ago:

There’s nothing special about good bdsm relationships that isn’t special about good vanilla relationships. We aren’t risking more or giving more or sharing more. They all take trust and respect and ying and yang and give and take and commitment. Good relatinships happen when both/all parties are giving 100%, not 50/50.

That_Damned_Panda responded 26 days ago:

  • Know who you are, what you want, and what you don’t want. Trust yourself, and if something really doesn’t feel right to you, don’t let anyone talk you into thinking that it is. They’re not you, and you’re the only one who has to live with the consequences of your decisions.
  • The only “true way” that counts is the way that is true to you.
  • Don’t take yourself, or what we do, too seriously. If something doesn’t go the way you planned it, laugh about it and try something different tomorrow.
  • Being submissive and being stupid are two entirely different things. Don’t use the former as an excuse for the latter.
  • The same ethics and morals that you would apply to personal relationships in the vanilla world are equally applicable to relationships in the kinky world.
  • Everybody you meet has their own story, and everybody has had to fight many battles to get to where they are in their lives. You don’t know their whole story, so you have no right to judge how it turned out. If their way is not your way, go your own way and let them go theirs.
  • Read every thread started by Happy Noodlegirl, because she apparently has good ideas for threads.
  • No bondage on Wednesdays. Ever. Very bad. Don’t ask why.

AchillesKW responded 26 days ago:

Don’t expect someone special to notice you if you are behaving like all the other slutty cattle. Respect yourself enough to be picky.

Noldorin_Mercy responded 26 days ago:

BDSM is neither good nor bad, and can be used to harm just as much as it can to heal. Never trust someone simply because they are kinky, and never distrust someone simply because they aren’t. We’re all people.

LayLadyLay responded 21 days ago:

Listen, talk openly, take your time, ask questions if you’re not sure about something, be kind, be generous and be willing to laugh (especially at yourself).

LadyBug5949 responded 21 days ago:

If it isn’t consensual, it isn’t BDSM–it’s abuse.

fosterchild responded 21 days ago:

Get references and check them. This safed me from getting with a liar, and who knows what else it has spared me (at the least – some BS). Often when i have brought this up the other person has just wondered off ….

Nova2001 responded 21 days ago:

“Do it again harder” is not a good safeword.

honeywhite08 responded about 2 hours ago:

Anal sodomy causes flatulence.

So all this stuff is good advice, and i really hope it helps : ) i left the links intact, because that information comes from those people– again, i don’t think Y/you can see anything on fet without a profile. Here’s the link to the thread, second page: http://fetlife.com/groups/41/group_posts/573750?page=2#responses



i’m really conscious of money. All the time. So i love the idea of something being made into a toy from cheap items. Thus, we enter the Pervertables. As a fun fact, i just added that word to my computer’s dictionary. i hate those little read lines. Anyhow, a pervertable is something that was meant to be something else, but can be used as a toy. i have a gazillion tabs up of things, so i’m just going to make a list in groups of impact, clips and clamps, sensation, and other. i think this time i’ll even put up some pictures !!! : )

Impact Pervertables

  • “Spaghetti” Drumstick – The thread says that’s it’s a jazz drumstick, but google searches turned up nothing under this title, however, i managed to find a picture of drumsticks that the poster might’ve meant : ) Jazz Drumsticks
  • Crop – This can be bought at a sporting store in the horses section. i think it’s usually leather.
  • Wooden Hairbrush – i’m not quite sure how this one works. i guess if it worked with the bristles that would be quite painful, but i think i’ve seen pictures of  the back of the brush being the impact part.
  • Bamboo Canes – Supposed to be in craft shops, but i’ve never looked for them before.
  • Windshield Wiper Blades – i’m not sure how harsh they would or would not be, but it would be interesting !
  • Fake Swords – Not sure, again, how harsh this would be, but it’s the only category i think this can really fit into. i really wish i could ask the writer of this list what the heck he/she uses some of the stuff for.
  • Wooden Spoons – Supposedly pretty harsh. Some people remember their parents using one on them, but mine never did that to me.
  • Fiberglass Rod – i’m leery of anything with the word ‘glass’ in it being used for impact, but i’m going to guess that the author knows better than i do and post it here anyhow.
  • Dowel Rods – To make canes or spreader bars. That might actually be a really fun project.
  • Spatulas – That actually sounds like it might be a lot of fun. i’m starting to like the list person again.
  • Cutting board Paddles – i’ve actually heard this before as well. This can be picked up at the dollar store.
  • Rice Paddles – Kinda like a wooden spoon
  • Plastic Window Blind Closing Rods – i really like that idea. : )
  • Rug Beaters – Ouch ! i take that back, i don’t like the list person anymorerug beater
  • Billy Clubs – Seems a little too harsh !!
  • Drumsticks – Pretty cheap at a music store
  • Ping Pong Paddles – i have seen people cut designs into these to ‘brand’ their partner. Very very cute.
  • Dog Slicker Brushes – Ouch ! i’ve actually done this on my hand gently and it hurts ! In all honesty, it shouldn’t draw blood, though…
  • Leather Belts – i’m pretty curious about this. Seems like something that’d be my thing : )

Clips and Clamps

  • Clothespins – Definitely a great idea, and if someone is new to the clothespins, one can stretch them by tying them open with rubber bands or keeping them open on some old magazines. One of the sites says to keep it on magazines for like a week.
  • Rubber Bands – i’ve seen them tied around women’s nipples
  • Clips from the Beauty Supply – i can’t really name one, because there are tons : )
  • Clover Clamps – Apparently available in fabric stores. Neat : )
  • Clamps – There are lots of different types in lots of different stores
  • Snakebite Kit – Comes with something that’s supposed to suck the venom outta your body. When applied to the nipple, i think it would apply here.


  • Ben Wa Balls
  • Feather Duster
  • Spiked Measuring and Cutting wheels – found in fabric stores : )
  • Electric Toothbrush
  • Ginger Root – i’m not really sure how this is used, but i know it feels odd. i read it somewhere, but i’m not sure where.
  • Basting brushes
  • Sandpaper
  • Loofahs
  • Cheese grater
  • Metal Banjo Picks
  • Stage Knives
  • Bamboo Skewers
  • Paraffin Candles – Bees Wax burns too hot
  • Mentholated Rubs

Other (Here we go…)

  • Heavy Duty Ropes – Climbing supply stores
  • Carabiners
  • Suspension harnesses
  • Halloween Costumes
  • Face Paint
  • Tape – for some sort of bondage, i think
  • Lots of foods
  • Bungee Cords
  • Leg irons  
  • Handcuffs
  • Thumb cuffs
  • Spare Handcuff keys
  • Quick-release snaps – i’ve seen some articles where the people swear by them, and others where they’re not mentioned. i think this is probably the safest way to do bondage, when there isn’t an easily released knot.
  • Pulleys
  • Collars
  • Leashes
  • Pet Bowls
  • Bells
  • Chains
  • Cages
  • Shock Collars
  • Shipping wrap
  • Chin-up bars
  • Jumping rope

That should be enough, right ? The links for the sites i looked at are below ! Whew, i’m sleepy now. Good night !





Thus, we tie her up.

So i really didn’t know what to write about– finals are coming up, i’m stressed beyond belief, and i really didn’t feel like looking anything up, since i have so much research to do for school. But i did remember an interest in Japanese Rope Bondage– something that made me think it might be interesting to try.

First of all, while i was reading the articles i’ll link Y/you at the end of this post, there was something brought up about “sensual sadism,” which is enjoying giving the woman pleasure. i hadn’t come across that term before. Apparently, there’s a big difference in the way men and women think during sexual acts. Men regress to an animalistic state, and women fly high above their usual state of awareness. So while i wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t completely the truth (there’s always an exception), it still makes the sensual sadist enjoy watching the woman go to such heights of pleasure.

“I absolutely love to look into the face of a woman who is in the outer limits of sensual ecstasy, hear the sounds that come from her throat, to smell her aromas, for me it is a glimpse into the divine itself. Such pleasure is, in my opinion, like a gift to women directly from God. I treat it with an almost spiritual reverence.” (japaneseropeart.com)

This is absolutely intriguing to me. i have always dated people who put their pleasure before mine. i can’t really imagine what it’s like to even think about my pleasure… i always thought about theirs. i can’t imagine being tied up, all my erogenous zones being pressed by the rope, my lover’s lips covering my body, His fingertips trailing between my breasts and down my stomach… Sounds great, but i really have no idea how that would feel.

Anyhow. About Japanese Rope Bondage.

It would seem that there’s a big range of types of play done while the submissive/slave is tied. As on realjapanesebondage.com, Y/you can see one extreme. This is where these women are violently taken, forced to drink cum and piss…. Really not my style, but i know it’s some people’s style. i haven’t watched any of these videos, but i’ll leave Y/you the link at the bottom. Also, there is the gentle style of japaneseropeart.com, which focuses on the sensual sadism part of bondage. There are even un-invasive types of bondage that people wear under everyday clothes ! That sounds kinda fun, actually. : )

So, how does one tie up their partner ? i wish i could answer this correctly, but i do have a website here for Y/you, should Y/you want to look at it !! : )


This is excellent to learn how to tie the ropes, and on top of that, it has a safety section ! Better Y/you look there than i copy/paste those two things. i always feel back copy/pasting. Someone is going to miss my disclaimer one time and say that i plagiarized : (

There is actually a festival in London, having to do with Japanese Rope Bondage ! The pictures i’ve seen show that it’s more about the artistic part of the ropes, than it is the sexual part. There is a lot of art to these ropes. i can see the creations taking as long as an hour to make. This is certainly something one should prepare for, probably for a while ahead-of-time. It’s also something i can’t see someone really learning without a ‘dummy’ to test it on (me, me, me !!). : )

Here are the links to the articles and websites i visited, with a little note as to what the websites are about (so Y/you don’t get confused !!)

http://japaneseropeart.com/RopeArt/mainrope.html (sensual sadism and the pleasure a man can get out of tying up His submissive.)

http://realjapanesebondage.com/ (Violent Japanese Rope Bondage– the first page is covered in forced scenarios)

http://www.japaneseropebondage.co.uk/ (the Japanese Rope Bondage Festival !)

http://www.bcwsd.com/backroom/library/articles_us/bond_jap.htm (A great instructional site– look at all the links on it !! : ) )


An Interesting Article

This is an article i agree with and i like it very much. i didn’t write it, but i didn’t want to flood EP with copy/pasted stuff either. Link at the end : )

Expectations Of A Submissive

Author: Screamer © 2000

This is an updated version of a piece I wrote several years ago, after having only been involved in “the scene” for less than two years.

Since that time, I’ve changed a lot in my thinking and I’ve grown into various areas of my submission and my self-knowledge.  I thought that perhaps it was time to change this essay to go along with those remarkable changes.

Do not use this as your own, as it may not fit your needs, but perhaps use it as a guide in writing your own expectations as a submissive. Everyone’s needs are different, both Dominant and submissive.  And as I’ve learned, it’s always better to state expectations up front – or, bring them up when they change in any fluid and growing relationship.

My dearest Dominant,

This is for you.

It is about my expectations as your submissive. What I expect of you, and what I expect from myself. It’s about your role as my Dominant, and my role as your submissive. I placed my submission in your hands.  It is a very strong part of who I am, and what I believe and feel.  It IS me, and this is what I expect from this relationship, to be able to be at my fullest potential.

I expect to bend to your will. I expect to serve you for your pleasure, which brings me pleasure in return.  I expect that if I should fail to obey you, or please you, that you will punish me in ways you see fit.

I expect you to administer pain in whatever form solely for your pleasure, should you feel this desire. However, I expect that you’ll draw a clear line between punishment and ‘play’.   I expect you to understand the level and type of pain/control/stimulation I want to feel as discussed between us, and if I’ve not expressed myself clearly or completely, I expect that you will ask for, and then receive, clarification.

I expect you to respect me as a person, and understand that my submission is not an admission of inability.

I expect to be reminded of my submission to you when you feel that I need to be reminded. I expect to have the right to remind *you* of it as well, when I feel as if I’m un-anchored in myself, and feel a need to be reigned back in.

I expect to you explore limits, sexually, emotionally and mentally, if and when you feel it’s appropriate.

I expect you to issue orders that will force me to examine and push a limit I may have, which would bring you pleasure for me to submit to. I expect you to accept that I may shudder and tremble, and perhaps even defy…. And I expect you to not stop – not give in – when I do this, unless you change your mind.

I expect to serve your pleasure in all ways. I expect you to use whatever tools you see fit, and I expect you to work with me toward complete and total submission to you. This is what I desire deep inside, and it’s what I feel that I need to feel completely whole.

I expect you to set guidelines for me as you see fit. If I should ever break a rule, or try to top from the bottom, I ask that you don’t let me get away with it, unless you find it entertaining or amusing. I expect you to understand that I need more than anything to give up that control, that it makes me feel good to do so.

I expect honest communication, rather it’s good, bad or indifferent.  I expect that this will be a relationship built on more than sex and submission – but also on mutual respect and trust.  These things are essential to any good, strong, growing relationship. I ask that you communicate with me about likes and dislikes, and intentions you may have.  I ask that I am allowed to feel the freedom to do the same with you.

I expect play time as well as work.  I expect to laugh as well as cry.  I expect you to mark me if you feel like it.  I expect you to be honest with me, if I ask to play and you don’t feel like it.

I expect you to grow and change as I do, in your own way.

I expect you to understand these expectations, and if you don’t understand them, I expect you to discuss them with me. I expect that you will accept what I’ve said, and be honest with me about your feelings about it.

In that, we will both feel free to chase the tiger’s tail.

Your screamer

Again, i didn’t write this. And as a submissive, i probably would not give my Dom the right to brand or mark up my body. This isn’t the perfect piece, but it’s very close : ) just my opinion. Here’s the link !


Advice for submissives, by submissives

So i was snooping around the net yesterday, like i always do, and i found a site which linked me to a site which linked me to a site. The final outcome was discovering a treasure trove of articles to respond to and write about. It’s not new material, by any means, but it’s still relevant. The part i first focused on was the advice parts of the essays. Due to the fact that i’m trying to be careful while falling head-over-heels for a certain Dom, i’m reading about this stuff a little late, but better late than never. And also, it’ll help me help others, maybe !

One of the biggest warning signs i see in the articles i’m looking at is isolation. Doms use isolation to teach you only Their way. And to be honest, there might be a good guy who would use this technique, i’m not familiar with that though. Every single Dom i’ve spoken to has encouraged reading stuff online. i think this is probably the best way to protect yourself from a harmful Dom– know what He is supposed to be doing and what you are supposed to be doing. Never ever depend on someone else to ensure your safety before you know them well enough. i’ve researched both Doms and subs, so that i know both roles, and know the rules. If my Dom forgets a safe word, you bet i’ll remember. Doms are people too, sometimes the intention isn’t malicious, but BDSM is still dangerous. Be prepared. Preparation was also mentioned : )

Another thing to remember about BDSM, and also life, is to never take one person’s word for it. When you go out to research, and the subject is something that could be debated or you could see two people saying different things, you should probably go see everything that’s being said ! When i was looking into what the role of the submissive was– i did not take the word of just one website, nor did i look exclusively at the submissive websites. you can get information from various websites, books, and there are most certainly meetings for people interested in BDSM in your area (if they meet at a church, it’s probably not the type of BDSM meeting you’re looking for).

If you don’t trust the person you’re considering submitting to, don’t do it !! The main part of a D/s relationship is trust, and if you don’t trust Them, They should be made aware and should slow down. No good Dom would tell you that you’re less of a submissive because you won’t go into a relationship without trust ! If They do, walk away, because They do not know what They are doing, at the least. At the most, They are trying to hurt you.

This leads into patience. The big thing about new subs that everyone warns about is rushing into things. This probably doesn’t always turn out badly, but the articles i look at both say that it usually doesn’t turn out well. you want to take your time getting to know a prospective Dom, and one of the articles states that you should even avoid getting a Dom right away. It suggests not getting too heavily involved with anyone in the lifestyle, in fact. While i do believe that for some that might be a good idea, i think for others it might be ok. Then again, i’m pretty new to the lifestyle : )

If your Master is belittling you, get out. No Dom should want to hurt his sub, for any reason. The Dom sees the sub as His own, and would you want to hurt your possessions ? Yes, i’m aware that sounds a lot like slavery… Sometimes it is : ) and some people are into that. As in any relationship, belittlement is a red flag. If your Dom does this to you, i would recommend leaving : (

One of the articles mentions being overwhelmed by interest, as a female sub. This, i can attest to being true. Over the past couple of weeks, i have met probably 20 Doms looking for subs. Maybe more. And even today, a new one approached me. Usually it’s one every two days. Hopefully someday it slows down. This means that as a new sub, you have to be very mindful of what you want. When i mention the fact that i want a monogamous relationship, it put a few of them comfortably in the friendzone. i love the friendzone. If someone is Dominant before you even know them, friendzone. Real Doms know that you can’t expect a submissive to submit to you when you first meet them. It’s just not done that way. Be very careful whom you give your email, and my advice would be to make a new email if you’re going to give one out at all. Something yahoo-related, so you have a messenger name too. Here’s why: i gave out an old email, one i didn’t think i had connected to anything. Turns out, i had it listed somewhere on facebook… A couple people found my facebook, thank god they were nice enough not to try to add me or anything !! i learned my lesson and now have a yahoo account i’ll hand out if i have to. Much safer. i think i might’ve used it to sign up to beastforums though……

Another good thing to beware of is being scared of your Dom. If you don’t want to speak to Him because you’re afraid He’ll get mad, chances are He’s not the right Dom for you !! D/s needs to be something very dependent on communication. If you cannot communicate, in very extreme cases, you could die. i know i’m new to the lifestyle, and don’t know as much as some, but i know that.

Also, as in every relationship, sometimes you’ll be warned about the person from an outside source. Look into it. Sometimes people have enemies in their groups, it happens. i’m of the opinion that if you go through life with no enemies you’re probably not doing it right. Consider the fact that someone warning you might be one of theirs. Also consider the fact that they could honestly be right. Talk to people who know that Dom and see for yourself.

Another good tip is to talk to other submissives. Make friends, share experiences, and generally get to know them. From what i’ve seen of other submissives, they’re very nice and supportive and helpful– i’m sure you could find a friend to talk to : ) a good place to start is Experience Project or even here, if you’d like to talk to me as for my messenger ! i am also on Experience Project.

you should also try to explore as much as possible. Try something new, allow yourself to be pushed to your limits, play and experience BDSM. If you limit yourself, you’ll never learn anything new that turns you on. Just keep your mind open : )

i’ll link you now to the articles i used in this post– all the info was thought up by them, i just added in a little bit of my own experiences or thoughts.



Dom Guidance

i was speaking with a very nice Dom on Experience Project today, and He felt like submissives were the ones who were having their questions answered, while Doms were not. When i look online, i do find that there are some sites about how a Dom “should” be… But i do think every one of them is flawed, as every Dom is different. i sent Him this website that i wanna share on here, because i think it’s really a great resource for people interested in being a Dom, or even a curious sub such as myself who would like to know exactly what their partner is supposed to be doing.


i especially like ‘[HUMOR] Rules of the Dungeon’ and in fact read it aloud to my vanilla roommate, who nearly died laughing. The rest of the site is extremely helpful– and in case You can’t see it due to a block in Your country, but would like to, i have it on a word document that i can email You, just comment here and we’ll work it out : )

On the Subject of Gags

Over the past couple days, i’ve become more and more sure that one of the DOM’s i’ve been speaking to is the right one for me. Of course, i’m trying really hard to watch everything we say as from third person, but it’s so hard not to get sucked in when nearly everything He says is so… Perfect. And it’s not even like He’s trying to be perfect, because He has opened up with things that some people would consider an immediate ‘deal breaker,’ though i don’t. He just turns out to be exactly what i need out of a DOM and a life partner. Who would’a thought. Anyways, i’m going to try to keep posting… Probably not every day, because obviously i can’t do that, but every couple/few days. Just to say what i’ve been learning as of late : )

Today i decided to research gags. Apparently there are a few different reasons for them…  There’s for humiliation, which is achieved because the submissive’s speech is no longer able to be recognized. Also, it can be used to bite, when the pain is getting a little too much. This is an application i wouldn’t have considered if i hadn’t read the article. Apparently, they can also be used to teach oral sex… Or at least the ones that keep the mouth open. i’m reading through the article as i write, so i’m not sure exactly which those are yet. The only gags i know about are ball gags, to be honest. Finally, they are used to calm down the submissive. Kinda like a pacifier.

As far as types of gags (the part i’m most interested in !) there are four different types. There is, of course, the ball gag. This basically looks like a rubber ball with a string going through it, and its’ main purpose is to keep the submissive from speaking. This is what i typically see in BDSM pictures, if there’s a gag at all. Apparently, the one that holds the mouth open is called the ring gag, and instead of a ball there’s a ring. Interesting. Bit gags replace the ball with a bar and it has straps. It’s kinda like a bridle for a horse, so it’s used in pony play fairly often. The last is an inflatable gag, which is sometimes used with a ring gag to keep it in place. Basically, it looks like a pacifier strapped onto the submissive’s head with a pump coming out. Even the inflatable part reminds me of a pacifier. You can pump the inflatable part as much as You want to fill her mouth… i think that type would be my favorite : )



Since a gags are intended to be put in the mouth, these BDSM are made of safe materials, such as rubber, plastic, latex, wood and others.

Safety tips

While using a gag, as well as any other BDSM toy you ought to follow some safety measures.

  • While using a gag, as well as any other BDSM toy you ought to follow some safety measures.
  • Never leave alone your submissive while he or she is wearing a gag and be careful about your submissive’s facial expressions and physical reactions. As soon as you see that your submissive’s eyes got wider or his lips turned blue- remove the gag urgently.
  • Agree with your submissive on a non-verbal stop sign – for instance a gesture.
  • Whatever you do your submissive must be able to bend and to turn the head – otherwise saliva won’t flow from the moth.
  • A gag must not be used if your bottom suffers from a heart of pulmonary diseases, diabetes or epilepsy.

Sorry, i couldn’t find a good way to paraphrase that into my own words. However, i would like to say here that all the information up there i got off of the link at the bottom of the page. i don’t want any credit for that research, since it’s not really my work.

The way i feel about gags: i like to always be pretty. All. The. Time. So i think it would take some getting used to, drooling like that. i would of course be self-conscious, but i’m sure my worries could be whisked away fairly easily. For some reason i had an image of a hostage in my head, a black silk scarf tied tightly into her mouth. There was no mention of any sort of gag here, so that must not be very safe.

Here’s the site i got the stuff from. As i said, a lot of credit goes to them. The only thing here that was my work are my opinions : )



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