Titles are Sticky

A lot of people ask about titles in BDSM (Master/Dom/Top/slave/sub/bottom) when they first start out, and even though this is a sticky subject, i felt like it was asked enough that i should try my hand at writing something about it. Lots of links will be at the bottom of this post.


From what i’m reading, a Master is a lot like what i understood a Dominant to be. Maybe a different kind of Dominant in that they’re commonly associated with slaves. This would mean that generally speaking, Masters take full control of their slaves’ lives.


A Dominant is the person who has control over the scenes in the BDSM relationship, as well as however much control they want over their submissive. This can overlap with Masters, and there aren’t solid definitions of the difference between a Master and a Dominant.


This is the person performing an act on the other person. That means that a submissive could be a Top, if their Dominant or Master wanted them to. i’ve seen similar definitions on fetlife as well. These are sometimes referred to as service Tops, who are only Topping because they were asked to, rather than because they are truly a Dominant.


There are a lot of differences in opinion here, let’s see if i can represent them all. Some people think the difference between submissives and slaves are the degrees of submission. This would mean that a slave is more submissive than a submissive, but this doesn’t mean a Master should ask His slave to do something against their morals. Some people think that it’s just roleplay between the Master and slave. Also, it could even mean that there’s nothing sexual about it at all !! i can’t imagine being in a long term relationship without anything sexual in it. Eek. That would simply not work for me ! Lastly, some people think that slavery is a part of their identity, rather than a relationship status. i happen to believe it’s probably both.


A submissive is a bottom personality who can stay in the submissive state for long periods of time, but a big difference that’s noted is that they have ‘hard limits’ that are off limits for them. This is something like needles for me. i can’t do needles. The Dom who is considering me is aware that if He becomes my Dom, we can’t do needle play. Thank goodness it wasn’t something He expressed interest in. It’s thought of that even though it looks like the power division in a D/s relationship is uneven and the Dom has more power, it’s actually closer to 50/50 division in a D/s relationship, just that it’s a more intense 50/50, if that makes any sense. Apparently a big part of being submissive is sex.


This is the compliment to the Top position. Basically, a bottom can take the position of submissiveness without being a submissive. It’s more or less the person who is in the bottom position at the time.

So that’s just what i could find online, and i did try to keep the sources list short this time, but i also have to add fetlife here as a source, because i added in whatever i knew people thought that i read somewhere on fetlife. Frankly, titles are sticky subjects, and what i wrote today is what i could find, but it’s not by any means the only definitions out there. Also, there are crossovers of every part. Only Y/you can decide which title is right for Y/you ! : ) Good luck !






The Facebook for Kinky People

So basically i’ve been spending a lot of time on fetlife. The groups there teach me a lot, but i don’t like really quoting the threads, because people on there are really private, and let’s face it, so am i. One of the interesting things about fetlife is the fetish lists of the members. Basically, on facebook there’s a ‘like’ button for things one would agree on or what one generally likes. Actually, it used to be a fan button, but they changed it to like. This was kinda funny in and of itself… my roommate turned to me and said “facebook made fan pages like pages” “yeah right…” “Now 3 of my friends ‘like it rough'” “….. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.” Or something like that. Anyhow, so there are like pages on facebook, and the rough equivalent of those on fetlife are fetishes. A good example for geeky people is ‘pan-galactic gargle blasters’ which is a fetish with 30 people into it or curious about it. This is a drink from the Hitch-hiker’s guide to the galaxy that the president of the galaxy created. Supposedly it’s the best drink ever created. Regardless, it’s still a nerdy book tribute that i doubt seriously turns anyone on. There are also serious fetishes that i don’t see too often (maybe i’m not looking in the right places?) that i absolutely added to my list. Stuff that, though it isn’t really an act, it’s still seriously something that turns me on.

a brilliant mind, a creative player and imaginative lover.

Basically, if my lover is extremely smart, He turns me on more than anything else. Even with just conversation. The creativity and imagination turn me on because of course it means that He’s thinking about it ahead-of-time. Honestly, i think about sex A LOT and it turns me on when my lover thinks about it enough to be able to think of something creative or imaginative to try out.

affection and touch from the one i am with

Literally with one touch, i can be calmed down from a sobbing mess. i am absolutely someone who loves being touched, held, kissed… It’s something i crave. A quick fix is good, but when i think about this fetish i’m thinking cuddling in bed, held tightly in His arms, nuzzling my face against His chest.

being called ‘slut’ by someone who i adore

This is hot. And i have no idea why.

gentlemen who are not necessarily gentle men

When i think about this, i’m thinking about a nice night out, maybe at dinner, where He is so sweet and W/we have a great time… Then as soon as W/we get home, He throws me against the wall and kisses me passionately, His hand roughly grabbing my breast, setting the mood for the rest of the night. Yum.

getting turned on by rigorous intellectual debate

It has happened before. Just saying.

her moaning into our kiss as i finger her

It really turns me on to moan into a kiss. i haven’t been able to do it much, due to having boyfriends who did not enjoy kissing, but every time it happened it felt so intimate and sexy. i love it.

thinking of fucking while i’m supposed to be working

It’s fun. What more is there to say ? Except that thinking about sex means that later on i am very very horny : )

seeing how far i can go before i get the look and tone that turns me to jelly

One of these days i’d love to see the Dominant ‘look’ that this talks about. It’s under my ‘i’m curious about’ because i haven’t yet, but oh my god do i want to. So badly.

wrists held by man’s hands

i absolutely love being overpowered, and have only really gotten to play around with that once, maybe twice. Both were on my command. Not that fun, really. It has to be a lot more fun with someone who gets a charge out of overpowering His partner. : )

So those are some of the less common fetishes i find. There are the straight ones like oral sex or talking dirty and those are great, too, but i really love the ones that say just a little more about the person. Just my two cents. : )

Sorry about not writing lately, i just finished my final final yesterday : ) so i hung out and relaxed all day today, and tomorrow i move out ! Hopefully i’ll have the energy tomorrow to post again, but i’m thinking more along the lines of Sunday. Sorry ! : ( If there’s anything Y/you would like me to write about, please comment on this post and i’ll seriously consider it. i won’t say i’ll do it, because i can just see someone saying something silly about ‘research me!’ or something as a joke, and because i promised, i would have to do it. So therefore, i hold veto power ! 😛



http://fetlife.com/fetishes/25942 (Pan-galactic gargle blasters fetish)

http://www.galactic-guide.com/articles/1S1.html (What is a pan-galactic Gargle blaster?)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dI1keSSwdcI (Galileo by The Indigo Girls, which is what i listened to the whole time i was writing this)

PS: When one googles ‘Dominant look,’ this is on the first page of images.