As a sub, the thing i’m most worried about, after i have the right Master for me, is losing Him. Not in the conventional sense of ‘breaking up,’ but rather that He dies. i’m terrified that when i find the right person for me, some bolt of lightning will descend from the heavens, turning my Master into a pile of dust. Well, not exactly that, but i do know i have really terrible luck. As i’ve said to a prospective Master many times– if something goes right for me, something else goes wrong. It’s just the way the world works, i don’t even question it anymore. i believe the scenario i gave Him was ‘we might get to go out to a nice dinner, but then the place will catch on fire or i’ll accidentally fling a fork at the waiter.’ So it’s very possible that during the beginning of my relationship with my Master, i’ll be needy. Though i’ve read most subs are needy, i feel like it’s still a bad quality, and something that i shouldn’t be. Working on it ! Back to my worst fear, i’m so scared that the Master i love dearly will suddenly die, and i’ll be alone, needing His touch, His voice, His guidance… Everything about Him. And i don’t know how i would react to that, as a sub and as a person. Even thinking about it worries me so much, and i’ve found so many stories of subs and slaves in grieving for their Masters…. It’s probably the most terrifying part of a D/s relationship to me. i’m not scared of very many things, but i’m very scared of losing the person i give myself to. Here’s the story that prompted me to write today… Again.